The ‘midlife crisis withdrawal stage’ is a period when people pull away from the relationships and routines they used to rely on.
You might stop making plans and feel your mood drop, and some people start drinking more to get through it. What begins as a drink after a bad day can gradually become the main way you manage midlife unhappiness. But alcohol and low mood feed each other, so the drinking you relied on to cope can end up making those feelings harder to deal with.
Knowing how alcohol connects to the withdrawal stage can help you spot when drinking has become a problem, and what damage can be reversed if you decide to make a change.
What is the midlife crisis withdrawal stage?
A midlife crisis is a period of emotional upheaval that tends to happen in your 40s or 50s. It can involve questioning your career, relationships, or feelings of uncertainty about who you are.
It isn’t a medical diagnosis, and researchers don’t agree that it follows set stages. Some, however, do describe it in stages – one of which being withdrawal.
The withdrawal stage of a midlife crisis is when you pull back. You might stop seeing friends or lose interest in work, and end up spending more time on your own. To the people around you, it may look like you’ve just gone quiet, but inside it can feel like your life has stopped making sense.
For a lot of people going through this, drinking increases. You can drink at home without anyone knowing, and it can seem to help in the short term. But alcohol tends to make low mood worse when it becomes a crutch or coping mechanism.
Common signs of the withdrawal stage
These are the kinds of changes that people around you might notice, even if you haven’t fully registered them yourself.
- Pulling away from friends or social plans you used to enjoy
- Losing interest in work or hobbies
- Spending more time alone, often with a drink
- Feeling detached from your partner or family
- A growing sense that your current life doesn’t fit
Midlife unhappiness, depression and alcohol
When someone pulls away from their relationships and routines in midlife, low mood can be a part of it. A study of first-onset depression in midlife followed 443 US women from their 40s and 50s. It found that Long-term health problems, and feeling held back by them, made a first bout of serious depression more likely. For women who had been depressed before, the menopause transition was a time of higher risk of it coming back.
A large cross-national study of midlife depressive symptoms drew on data from over 119,000 middle-aged adults across 17 nations. Symptoms of depression were higher in people who were separated or divorced, in those with less education, and those with more health problems.
Drinking to cope with low mood can also increase the risk of developing an alcohol problem, and it affects your physical health too.
Signs of midlife depression
Unlike the withdrawal signs, which other people can often see, these signs of midlife depression are about how you feel inside.
- Persistent low mood that doesn’t lift
- Loss of enjoyment in things that used to give you pleasure
- Changes in sleep, either too much or too little
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Feeling guilty without a clear reason
When midlife drinking becomes too much
The point where drinking tips from coping to a problem is rarely obvious at the time. It depends on how much you’re drinking, and what the drinking is doing for you.
Research noted by Drinkaware found that 2.5 million men aged 45–64 regularly drink above the UK Chief Medical Officers’ low-risk guideline of 14 units per week. More than half said that men their age often drink to cope. Almost a quarter (24%) didn’t think they could talk about their drinking without being judged.
For women, the picture is shaped by different pressures. A Healthwatch North Yorkshire report on midlife women and alcohol found that drinking in midlife is often connected to:
- Menopause
- Stress
- Sleep problems
- Caring responsibilities
Many women said support needs to be easier to find and access before things get worse.
The alcohol damage you can reverse in midlife
If you’ve been drinking more than you’d like, you may be concerned about permanent damage. But a lot of alcohol-related harm can improve, and some of it can reverse. What’s possible depends on how much damage has been done and how early you act.
What can start to improve
Your liver has a remarkable ability to heal and regenerate new cells once chronic drinking stops. Mild-to-moderate damage, such as fatty liver or early inflammation, can reverse with sustained abstinence.
Your brain can also begin to repair. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism explains that brain plasticity, the brain’s ability to change, plays a part in how alcohol problems develop. The same ability can also help the brain heal and form healthier patterns.
Sleep and mood can improve once drinking stops, and you may notice more energy. The speed of recovery varies from person to person.
What needs longer-term management
It isn’t yet known how fully the brain can return to normal after long-term sobriety. Recovery does happen, but how far it goes depends on how severe the damage was.
Severe liver damage, such as cirrhosis, usually can’t be reversed. But stopping drinking can keep it from getting worse, and the research shows it helps at nearly every stage of liver disease. The sooner you act, the more alcohol damage you can reverse.
When to seek help during the midlife crisis withdrawal stage
These signs are about what you’re doing, and they may mean it’s time to get help.
- Drinking alone has become your default evening
- You’re hiding how much you drink from the people around you
- You’ve tried to cut back and couldn’t
- Alcohol is the first thing you think about when you feel low or anxious
- Someone in your life has raised a concern
If any of these are familiar, contact Castle Health or speak to your GP. At Castle Health, we can look at your drinking and your mood together.
If you recognise some of these signs in yourself or someone in your life, our guide to alcohol addiction explains more about how drinking patterns can change.
How to get help with midlife drinking and low mood
If you’re concerned about your drinking or your mood, our team can help. We offer outpatient treatment for alcohol addiction that you can attend while keeping up with work and home, and residential care for anyone who needs more support.
Whichever is the right fit, a psychiatrist will assess whether low mood or depression is part of the picture – because alcohol and mental health rarely need to be addressed separately to be addressed well. For those where anxiety is also a factor, our page on alcohol and anxiety looks at how the two conditions interact and compound each other.
Supporting someone in your life through the midlife crisis withdrawal stage
Watching someone you know withdraw and drink more is hard. You might not be sure whether what you’re seeing is a difficult phase or something that needs outside help.
The person may have stopped seeing most of the people in their life, so staying in touch with them is important. It can help to let them know you’re there when they’re ready to talk, without pushing them to explain what’s going on. Trying to diagnose what’s happening, or setting ultimatums about their drinking, can make it harder for them to open up.
If you’re worried that their drinking is getting worse or their mood is declining, Castle Health’s support for family members through our family support programme can help. The team can talk through what you’re seeing and what your options are.
Frequently asked questions about the midlife crisis withdrawal stage
What are the six stages of a midlife crisis?
The six stages most often quoted are denial, anger, replay, depression, withdrawal, and acceptance. Researchers don’t agree on a single set of stages, and not everyone experiences them all or in the same order. This page focuses on the withdrawal stage because of its connection to alcohol use.
How can I support a spouse who is emotionally distant in midlife?
Emotional distance during midlife can feel personal, but it usually isn’t. Your partner may be processing feelings they don’t have words for yet. Stay available without pushing them to explain. If their mood or drinking is getting worse, suggest contacting Castle Health or your GP.
Where can I find a therapist specialising in midlife transitions?
The BACP therapist directory lets you search by specialism. Your GP can refer you to local mental health services. Castle Health offers outpatient therapy for both drinking and mood.
Where can I find support groups for the midlife crisis withdrawal stage?
AA and SMART Recovery both run meetings across the UK, including online. Drinkaware offers tools for people thinking about their drinking. Your GP can recommend local services.
How can you tell if someone is going through a midlife crisis?
You might notice them becoming quieter and less interested in the things they used to care about. If their drinking has increased alongside these changes, it may need professional support. Ask how they’re doing rather than assuming you know.
